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About Me Premium Member Varied Artist raycasterMale/United States Recent Activity Deviant for 3 Years
7 Month Premium Membership
Statistics 142 Deviations
254 Comments
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i see ghosts

Wed Jul 22, 2009, 10:09 PM
I'm not some young Haley talking to Bruce Willis. I don't see ghosts in the traditional sense, but what I see has the same effect as seeing what isn't there. I day dream of things and see images that are not there, people that are not there, events that will never take place and am haunted by them. Haunted by things that may never be is an experience that does not scare me, but does leave an emptiness in me that stays with me and lingers. Perhaps it is my heart that is witnessing the ghosts. Who knows, but if there was an exorcism to remove the entities that plague my soul, I'd gladly pay to have it done.

I tire of feeling this way. Eternal hope mixed with reality has a bitter taste that burns a hole in my stomach and blinds me with its poison. Biologically speaking, is there a purpose for loving someone? When it doesn't get returned in the way we want, is there a reason?

There is no reason for this rambling, other than just wanting to get it out of my head. I should stick to art ;)

I'm still doing my photography, but I will be honest, I am in a rut. The latest photos I feel like I could have done better. I'm not pushing myself, the studio I rent changed in a way that uninspires me now. I have ideas, but they are not surfacing from the pool of my mind. I see them under the surface, but they are not solid enough for me to see fully. Again, spirits that are seen through the corners of my mind's eye.

I am in between jobs right now, my previous life a fading memory. For some reason, this does not scare me. I see a lot of opportunity out there so I know I can find something. I saved up a bunch of money so I have time. I wish I took a different path in life sometimes. Hell don't we all? I'm haunted by a past that doesn't exist, a future that will never happen, and a present that seems to be stale and uninspiring.

My salvation is my friendships. They are more optimistic than I am about me, which is odd, but I cherish them and thank them for the strength they bring me. I feel I must be strong and positive for them. If I had no friends, I'd just fade into the mist and wait for the tides of time to carry me off, but for them I carry on. Either they will prove me wrong or I will prove them wrong. Of course I hope for the former.

I got 4 books on film-making in the mail today. I am excited. I did a demo reel for a dance group that was a lot of fun and I want to do more. I have some secret projects that I have been working on and can't wait to present. I even have an idea for some movies that I'd like to write out. I hate feeling lazy though because I may waste this time off and not take advantage of it. Anyway, if you want to see my first attempt at video creation, check out the video page of [link]. I built the site, took the photos and filmed the video for them all at the same time. Yeah I'm nuts, but the owner ( my make up artist ) Marguerite paid me, and no one really ever pays me, so I worked my ass off for her. She is the nicest person I know and has soo much talent that I'd love to see her succeed.

Ok well another great installment of Mr. Joy :) Hey if I were happy all the time, would I be able to create art? Happy people do hearts and use pastel colors and crap. Thats no fun. Sheesh.

  • Listening to: the beat of my own drum
  • Reading: a text
  • Playing: the fiddle
  • Eating: my foot
  • Drinking: chocolate milk ( alone )

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Devious Info

  • Current Residence: the happy litle place in my head..which resides in Colorado
  • Interests: Being able to get an image from my head or in front of me on paper
  • Favourite movie: Braveheart, Brain Donors, Family Guy
  • Favourite band or musician: NIN, Tool, VNV Nation, anything trance
  • Favourite genre of music: hardcore beats that alter my mood in a dark way
  • Favourite photographer: me.....soo kidding, too many to list. I am sure my friends list contains several
  • Operating System: Leapord
  • MP3 player of choice: iPood
  • Shell of choice: borne
  • Wallpaper of choice: got this cool alice image with her holding a knife. Inspired from the old video game
  • Skin of choice: human
  • Favourite game: WoW
  • Favourite gaming platform: Ps2
  • Favourite cartoon character: Stewie
  • Tools of the Trade: Photoshop, Flash, Nikon D300

Comments


:iconwhitleydaniellephoto:
Wow. Absolutely stunning gallery! I featured one of your photos in my journal: [link]

Please check out those featured alongside you and if you find some time, take a look at my gallery. I'd love to hear some feedback. I really respect what your work has to offer.

Whitley Danielle


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This is my personal account!

Stock Account: (( coming soon! ))

Custom Mural Website Serving the Dallas/Fort Worth Area: [link]
:iconraycaster:
Thanks :) Funny how the photo of me out of all the photos of models I have worked with got featured. Ill work on some more just for fun.

--
You have to know how to accept rejection and reject acceptance.

-Ray Bradbury, advice to writers
:iconcircuitxcandy:
well i really liked how it turned out its more then just th face its all of it i like
:iconxanthinealkaloid:
So... I have been in and out of the hospital today and they have no idea whats wrong with me. :/ Life is grand.
:iconraycaster:
wtf? Wow, that sucks yo. Im sorry to hear this. Life is grand, dammit.

Well I hope they figure their shit out or you magically get better. Ill take either one ;)

--
You have to know how to accept rejection and reject acceptance.

-Ray Bradbury, advice to writers
:iconmistydark:
Wow! You're more than talented.
:iconraycaster:
would that make me talenteder? All kidding aside, thank you.

--
You have to know how to accept rejection and reject acceptance.

-Ray Bradbury, advice to writers
:iconghouls-desire:
Thanks for faving xx

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